The importance of a living will, POA, and a will

Verbally telling people what you want to have done or not done, where you want your things to go and the whom, and who will manage your money if you are incapacitated is all fine and good, but it doesn't hold up.
Having a dialogue with your loved ones about these things is great, but unless it's on paper and notarized, you are playing odds you wouldn't wish to lay a bet on.

Living Will:  this tells people what you want or don't want.  Long and short term, tubes down your throat, CPR pounding on your chest and the associated broken ribs and chance of punctured lungs, feeding tubes in your belly, and a myriad of other things that it you give them thought or see them in action, you probably would say not a chance to.  A living will allows your family to go and tell the surgeon, nope, my parent didn't want a feeding tube, doesn't want a ventilator, etc.  Without it, your family feels they have to do everything possible to keep you alive, whether or not it's what you wanted.
Think about it.  Do you really want to place that burden on your spouse or children?
You are placing an enormous emotional strain on them, forcing them to make live or death choices because you were too selfish in your fear to think about it and set it up yourself.  How are they to make good choices if they are scared and distraught and you didn't leave them any instructions?

POA:  This allows the person of your choice to sign documents for you, to buy supplies, pay your bills out of you accounts, and maintain your residence while you are unable to do so.  By having this set up ahead of time, you streamline things for your family.  Without it, they have to petition courts and leave your mortgage unpaid and all sorts of other issues.

Will:  Just get one.  Help your family get what is due to them, otherwise the state gets half plus fees.  Did you really work that hard your whole life for the state to take half?  Not to mention that you can assign things to people, like make sure that Cousin Harry gets your lucky hammer or your youngest gets the coin collection without having to divvy it among the others.


Legalzoom can get you the basics of all these things for very low cost.  Most lawyers will set all this up for around $150-200.  You are out of excuses.  Just do it.  Save your family the heartache.

Things out of your control

Many things will be out of your control.  You can fight it, or you can accept it.  If you fight, it will consume your good days, leaving you with little time left to do the things that mean the most to you.  Fighting takes energy away from visiting your favorite places or people.  It strips away your stamina for going out to eat or taking that last cruise or walking your daughter down the aisle.

Acceptance allows you the freedom to say, "No, I don't feel like going to the neighbors' BBQ.  I will do "x" instead." and no one can argue with you.  No one will tell you anything but "Okay, if that's what you want, we'll do it."  Acceptance gives you back control of your life and how you want to live it for the time you have left.

If you accept that you are terminal, that you have a limited amount of time left in this world, what would you most wish to do?  Who would you most wish to spend that time with?

But I don't want to give up.

You aren't giving up.

Dying and death are part of life.  No, really, they are.  Our bodies are amazing, but they wear out, things stop working, things breakdown.

You are not giving up.  You are allowing yourself to transition to the next step.  You don't remember being born, you don't remember taking your first roll or your first steps.  You may remember puberty, procreation, giving birth (or not).  All of these things are transitions your body is going though, natural processes.  So is dying.  So is death.

When is enough?

When you don't feel like you want to be stuck with needles and IVs anymore.
When you feel you don't want to have another surgery.
When you feel like you are tired of hospitals and doctors and nurses and clerks.
When you feel that you just want to spent time with your family or at the beach or at home and not do this anymore.

Enough is when you realize that maybe your body is trying to tell you it has had enough.

Enough is when you decide it is.

And that is okay.  You are allowed to say, "enough".

They told me cancer, now what?

If you receive a cancer diagnosis you should always get a second opinion and possibly a third depending on the type of cancer and if the oncologist you first met with specializes in your type of cancer.

Questions to ask:

1) What is the cure rate?

2) Survival rate?

3) It there a targeted treatment for this type, or is it more of a guessing game?

Now the question you really need to ask the oncologist - If this was you sitting here, would you go through the treatment that you are proposing to me?

Ask him/her to be honest.

Now you have some information.  

Now everyone, and I mean everyone is going to have some story of how their best friend's cousin's sister's ex-husband beat cancer by going onto some diet or to some doctor or some cancer center.  Everyone is going to tell you to fight and be strong and that you are going to beat it.  

Watch out for those things.  They can distract you from following your doctor's plan, they can also distract you from the realities of your odds and making the best choices for yourself.

If the long term survival rate for your cancer is 20%, that means 80% of the people died.  

Almost everyone of that 80% thought that they would be in the 20% who would beat this.

When you start researching your cancer, look at the survival rates or patients with and without chemo, or radiation, etc.  That's how you'll be able to make a better decision.  

If the rates are the same or within weeks or months of each other, you may wish to look into other options.  

You need to decide how you want to live the rest of your life for the time you have left.